I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes.

Sounds like the French are taking a break from surrendering to plan their roads with amazing hilarity. If you cruise through the article here you'll see what I mean.

French hosehound does something kinda funny

So the French have dumped diplomacy in exchange for using city planing to take little jabs at each other. In a classic case of "hold me back"--where you say you're gonna fight someone but in reality you are just praying that your friends will hold you back long enough for the bouncers to throw everyone out of the club, where you continue to scream obscene things as you book it to a cab and thank god you didn't just get the shit beat out of you--two warring cities have placed one way streets that face each other. They outsourced the planning to the great great great grandson of the man that planned the streets in Boston, Seamus the Drunken Dancing Leprechaun the Sixth. Who, coincidentally, used the same tools for the planning of the roads as his predecessor, 18 pints of Guinness, a DUI arrest, an angry Polynesian hooker, a crayon and some construction paper.
While I'm at it, since our special teams writer apparently doesn't have enough vacation days from his 'freelance writing' job to read or write this blog, I would like to add this:

Tom Brady is gay.
Bill Belichick is a cheating hooker with a sex tape.
Manny Rameriz is a lazy bitch.
David Ortiz is fat.
The Boston Garden is a terrible venue.
The long chicken sandwich? It long chicken sucks ass.
Special Teams doesn't count.
France sucks.
Authority is awesome.
Bush was a genius.
Obama sucks.
The sky is green.
Ninjas are awesome.
Samurais can suck a big one.
Steven Seagal is a phenomenal actor.
Jim Rome is the best sports commentator ever.
Even though you punched me in the face, you still a little bitch.
AND I'M GLAD THE WHALERS MOVED!

Suck it bitch. Lets rumble!!!
( I love you, but I need to jumpstart things )
( But you did punch me in the face)

I'm back, bitches

OK, so it's been about six months since Freglomerica last exploded into your brain. In the interval a lot of very fascinating stuff has happened to your intrepid punter. And by "a lot of very fascinating stuff" I mean alcohol and by "has happened" I mean poisoning. Kinda, seriously, call my mom, she'll tell you. A lot has also gone down in the grand scheme of things. Let's check the scorecard:


-America elected its first black president: +20 points.
-Said president is a Democrat: -5.
-Democrats are just as frustrating/annoying/bad at governing as Republicans: -15.
-Red Sox make the playoffs without Manny: +3.
-Red Sox make it to the ALCS sans Manny: +5.
-Red Sox lose to Devil Rays in ALCS without Manny: -5.
-Manny absolutely murders the NL: +5.
-Manny carries Dodgers to NLCS: +5.
-Manny loses to Phillies, setting up Philly vs. Tampa for the World Series: -6.
-Manny still isn't signed and people are acting like he's Hitler: -10.
-Holy Taco breaks ground on new stadium: +10
-Patriots get set to avenge Super Bowl loss: +2.
-Tom Brady's knee explodes seven minutes into first game: -a billion.
-Pats gut out an 11-5 season but miss playoffs: 0.
-Peyton Manning wins MVP but loses in first round, the story of his life: +5.
-Cardinals make the Super Bowl: +4.
-But lose to hated Steelers: -6.
-Sarah Palin names child after Bristol, CT because that's where ESPN is headquartered: Mrs. Palin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Final tally: +12 minus a billion??

Anyway, this is not a complete scorecard so I expect to update this shortly. Let it be known that Doug the Punter is back and blogging. Shout it from the rooftops, kids. And if I stop writing then feel free to make fun of me in the comments in the most personal, degrading way possible. We're all in this together.

Manny Withdrawal Support Group

As I mentioned in my last post there are some burning questions to which I need answers.

How do I treat Jason Bay?

How long do I hold a grudge against ownership/management?

I'm I trying to have my proverbial cake and eat it too?

Why is everyone siding with management?

Is it wrong for us to have that countdown clock?

Am I being a bad fan?

Who does Theo Epstein think he is?

When can I take my Manny jersey off? (hint: never)

When am I allowed to sober up?

I don't know the answers to any of these questions but I'm sure I'll delve into them over the next couple of weeks. Fucking thing, sucks!

I'm I stupid or is everyone else stupid

I like Peter Gammons, I have nothing but respect for the man but his most recent article on Manny is a total and complete piece of garbage. In it he claims that the Red Sox had no chance whatsoever of making the playoffs with Manny this year. Is he insane? Has he gone senile? He claims that Manny would've held the team hostage for the next couple months with his antics. Oh, I'm sorry he didn't fucking set a record for his hustle to first base against Lackey the other night. It would've really mattered too because the guy after him hit a home run that would've given the Red Sox a 2-1 lead. Oh wait, the sox were losing 6-0 at the time and the next hitter also grounded out.

Gammons also asks this ludicrous question: "Was it worse to take performance-enhancing drugs to perform better and win, or to decline to play and steal money?" STEAL MONEY? STEAL MONEY? HE FUCKING WON THEM TWO GODDAMN WORLD SERIES. Also it goes without saying that taking steroids is much worse than not hustling down the line (the fact that he raised the question is beyond comprehension). I know its fashionable and all to not give older guys extensions nowadays but if anyone ever desereved one before the season it was Manny fucking Ramirez. This ownership group is so fucking full of themselves its re-goddamn-diculous. They are the ones who acted like spoiled brats by not appreciating what Manny has done for them. Sure, Manny can be a handful and a pain in the ass but so what? He wins baseball games. Sorry he couldn't cure AIDS and lower gas prices while he was at it.

The real question, which I will get into in much more depth tomorrow, is how do I approach the rest of this season. I still love the players on the Red Sox and still like the team but the ownership can go fuck themselves for all I care. They drove their best player out of town. But if they make the playoffs I'm going to have to deal with all these Manny-haters saying, "I told you so." And I fucking hate being told I told you so. This fucking sucks.

Also what's this with everyone talking management's side in this case. No love for the working man? Fucking scabs. I wish I was at Fenway for Bay's first game. That fucking canuck. I'd yell, "The Bruins play down the street you fucking hoser!" And start Manny's Better chants all fucking night.

FUCK!!!!

Farewell, Sweet Manny

Well all the fucking retarded media types and arrogant Red Sox ownership/management just got their wish. They traded away the best hitter Boston had since Ted Williams (yes, better than Yaz). All he ever did was win two fucking World Series' for this ungrateful group but because the previous owners/general managers signed Manny they never liked him. They tried to give him away since day one and when he delivered season after season they ignored his accomplishments and acted like the ingrate that they claimed Manny was.

Yeah, it was always an adventure in the outfield for Manny. Yeah, he was never very open with the media and got summarily ripped for it but who fucking cares. Let me tell you kids about another Boston left fielder whose defense was criticized and the media hated. His name was TED FUCKING WILLIAMS!!!!! And Manny has brought more titles to Boston than him!!!!

So in the end Boston got two titles and Manny got $168 million. Yeah that's a ton of money but when you think about how much cash the team made off Manny's accomplishments its a drop in the fucking bucket. Hell, I spent at least $2.7 million on World Series merchandise. Yet the owners wanted Manny to keep kissing their asses when it should be the other way around.

RBIs and World Championships. That's what Manny does. Unfortunately it will be some fucking crazy left coasters who don't give a shit about the Dodgers who will be benefiting from it now. Anyone who thinks that this is Manny's fault should shoot themselves in the fucking face. Anyone who thinks it was the ownership who stored up enough goodwill points with the fans that we should just accept whatever they tell us has things ass backwards. It's Manny who should get the benefit of the doubt. Epstein can trade for Orlando Cabrera all day every day but it was Manny who won that fucking world series. Not those arrogant pricks in the luxury boxes.

Anyway, goodbye, Manny. You were too beautiful for this town. There's at least one fan out there who will miss you. I'll see you in Cooperstown.

Reason #14,738 Why I Love Manny

During a pitching change in the 6th inning of yesterday's game Manny decided to make a couple calls inside the monster. I would cut off my left hand to be in Manny's five.

Catching up with the Red Sox

We are now at the official half-way point of the Red Sox season. They stand at 49-32, which puts them one game ahead of the Rays for first in the East (five and a half games ahead of the Yankees) and percentage points behind the Angels for the best record in the American League. A lot of people are talking them up as one of the elite teams in baseball and rightfully so, they are possibly the most complete team in the bigs. However, there are still some questions that remain about this club so let's go over what we know and what we don't know about the 2008 Red Sox.

What we know...

-The Red Sox have a lot of starting pitchers. Boston has had eight different pitchers start games for them so far this year (Lester (17), Wakefield (16), Beckett (14), Dice-K (12), Buchholz (8), Masterson (7), Colon (6), Pauley (1)). The starters are dealing with some injuries right now, Dice-K, Colon, and Buchholz are all not pitching in the bigs because of health issues. However I think the depth is a major strength for the Red Sox but at the same time they should be weary of dealing any of their starters, like the ill-fated Arroyo-for-Wily Mo trade. When healthy I say the rotation should go: Beckett, Dice-K, Lester, Colon, Buchholz/Masterson. For the playoffs I bet it's just Beckett, Dice-K, and Lester.

-Youk is a dick.

-Maybe JD Drew was worth that contract. Ever since he hit that grand slam in game 6 of the ALCS I haven't been able to objectively view Drew, but now I can objectively say that he is pulling his weight. He's been arguably the AL player of the month and has carried the load with Ortiz out of the lineup. I think this is a testament to what hitting in front of Manny can do for a player.


-The Red Sox bullpen is hilarious. When they aren't performing in the Manny Delcarmen Band, they're acting like they're pirates (seriously), when they aren't doing any of that they are making hilarious music videos to entertain the fans.

Rain delay
Uploaded by bsap11

What we don't know...

Can anyone other than Papelbon be relied upon? Javier Lopez is having a good year and Okajima is decent but I think they probably need another arm out there (Brian Fuentes of Colorado is probably the biggest name on the market). However they should be weary of making bad trades like they did for Scott Sauerbeck in 2003 and Eric Gagne last year.

Defensive lessons from Manny

I saw this at the excellent Red Sox blog Fire Brand of the American League. They had a cartoonist illustrate possible reasons for Julio Lugo's struggles in the field. This one tickled my funny bone:
Potential Reason #4: Someone’s been taking defense lessons from Manny.

Cartoon by Samara Pearlstein

Americo is now American

As a life-long citizen of America I would like to welcome one of our newest members, David Americo Ortiz. Yesterday Big Papi became a U.S. Citizen at a ceremony in Boston. Leave it to Papi to be on the DL but still find a way to make big things happen. Congratulations to you, Mr. Ortiz (and to the 226 other immigrants who gained citizenship at the ceremony yesterday).


Ortiz is now part of the country that claims George Washington, the Wright Brothers, Jesse Owens, Audie Murphy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Manny Ramirez as some of her favorite sons.

Best of Manny Being Manny

Here's a highlight reel of the best of Manny's hijinks.




Does it get any better than that? I say, it does not.

Manny Being Awesome

This is why I love Manny. The guy is just out there having a good time. Once he's at the plate he's all business but in the field? That's where Manny goes to relax. I say, "Frig off," to anyone who thinks this play is anything other than awesome.



You can't really see it on this video but that was a great throw to the cutoff man. Manny, fundamentally sound.

Baseball Thoughts

Here are some disjointed musings about the first couple weeks of the baseball season:

AL EAST

Baltimore Orioles
-Yeah the O's are in first but there is no way they finish higher than fourth in the AL East; they don't have the pitching.

Boston Red Sox
-I have some minor concerns regarding the back end of the rotation. Lester is a solid four but a mediocre three, Buchholz isn't quite there yet, and Wakefield is Wakefield. I guess what I'm saying is outside of Beckett and (usually) Dice-K there is nothing close to a sure thing in this rotation. That is mildly concerning; they need to get something out of Bartolo Colon.
-The bullpen worries the shit out of me. There is one excellent reliever (Papelbon), one very good reliever (Okajima), and then a mix of potential has-beens (Timlin) and never-were's (Aardsma). Is Craig Hansen ever going to amount to anything, can Delcarmen be a reliable reliever? These are important questions. I just hope Theo doesn't make a Sauerbeck-esque panic trade at the deadline and ship Jed Lowrie to Colorado for Brian Fuentes.
-In the NBA this year everyone is talking about how Kobe Bryant deserves to win the MVP as a kind of lifetime achievement award (most people who support Kobe deny this but they are lying) even though Chris Paul and probably Kevin Garnett are more deserving. What I'm getting at is how about some love for my boy, Manny Ramirez. He's never won an MVP despite being one of the top 5 hitters of the past 20 years (Bonds, Griffey Jr., A-Rod, Pujols). From 1998 to 2006 Manny finished in the top 10 of the MVP voting. Regardless of not winning an MVP he's one of the greatest right-handed hitters of all-time.

New York Yankees
-Sucks that their two young starters (Kennedy and Hughes) have thrown a combined 22.1 innings in their first six starts; that works out to 3.2 innings per start. Not good.
-Sucks that Joba's dad has polio, if only they had a vaccine for it...

Tampa Bay Rays
-Shitty new name, shitty new uniforms. I can't believe they have the same logo on their home and road jerseys. That's bush league. Trivia: Did you know that all but eight of MLB's 30 teams use red or blue as their primary color and that only one (Oakland) uses green?

Toronto Blue Jays
-Rock solid rotation if A.J. Burnett can stay healthy. Four quality starters but where's the offense? Sorry, Alex Rios and Vernon Wells aren't that intimidating.

AL CENTRAL

Chicago White Sox
-There getting some quality pitching from their young guys and the addition of Nick Swisher is a big boost to their offense. I think this team will be competing for the playoffs in September, that is if Ozzie Guillen doesn't murder anybody.

Cleveland Indians
-C.C. Sabathia isn't helping himself during a contract year by stinking out the joint. They have serious bullpen issues but if Kobayashi, who averaged 30 saves a year in Japan, can step in those could all go away. Paul Byrd does steroids.

Detroit Tigers
-I, for one, am happy to see the Tigers struggling. I have nothing against them but I got fed up with all the talking heads penciling them into the World Series. They have no pitching, none. The Devil Rays' staff is much better.

Kansas City Royals
-Hurray for the Royals. I am very happy for Kansas City (seriously). They have great uniforms. I really hope they stick around and they will if Bannister and Grienke keep throwing B.B.'s and their young guys (Alex Gordon and Billy Butler) can step up and carry the offense. Joakim Soria is a quality closer and Joey Gathright is the most athletic player in the game. Witness:




Minnesota Twins
-Word on the street is that Liriano won't be Lirano until the All-Star break. That makes sense, he needs to learn to pitch again. Jason Kubel looks like a legit player.

AL WEST

Anaheim Angels
-Count me among those who thought Torii Hunter would fall off this year; turns out I was wrong and I couldn't be happier for the man. Helluva guy that Torii Hunter. This team is semi-legit but its record will be inflated by feasting on a moribund division

Oakland Athletics
-Poor Rich Harden, that canuck has all the talent in the world but just can't stay healthy. I am predicting a surprisingly good record for the A's simply because they have two Sweeney's (Mike and Ryan) on their team.

Seattle Mariners
-I'll be surprised if Eric Bedard pitches more than 170 innings this season. I don't think they have enough offense to compete with Anaheim, combine that with high expectations for this season and it looks like this year might be a disappointment.

Texas Rangers
-Closer C.J. Wilson has yet to allow a run this year, and he had two saves during a doubleheader. Hmm... This is a pretty forgettable team.

NL...coming soon.

Sox Score 3 off Joe "Tumbling Dice" Borowski for Win

A while back my brother suggested that teams should play the Rolling Stones' Tumbling Dice whenever a shaky closer enters the game and since no closer is shakier than Cleveland's Joe Borowski he has become the Tumbling Dice. I didn't realize exactly how shaky he was until he gave up a hit to David Ortiz.

Red Sox All-Time Record in Home Openers

The Boston Red Sox are 64-48 since 1903 (the start of the World Series era) in home openers.

They are 31-19 in their last 50 (1959-2008).

They are 59-41 in their last 100 (1909-2008).

Fun facts learned while researching this:

-In 1910 the Yankees opened the season against the Red Sox in Boston, the game ended in a 4-4 tie.

-Before 1908 the Red Sox were called the Boston Americans, naturally.

Damnit!

While I was trolling around this vast series of tubes we call the Interweb, looking for some interesting baseball tidbit to write about, I came across this throughly depressing quotation from Red Sox postseason hero, Jonathan Papelbon. From my understanding Papelbon wants a big contract extension even though he has a couple more years on his current contract. If you want to get really cynical it basically seems like he's pulling a "T.O." Granted, I'm sure he won't let it be a distraction and will go out and do his job unlike Owens.


I usually side with the players on these types of matters but I am 100% opposed to giving Papelbon an extension before this season. There aren't enough words to describe how well he has played over the last two years but I still think giving him a rich contract extension based on only one good, full year of work (in 2006 he got shut down at the end of the season because of some sort of arm trouble/fatigue) is a fool-hardy idea. Baseball closers have an incredibly high turnover rate, it's probably close to 50% from year to year, and based on how some closers have either just completely lose it (remember when Derek Lowe was a lights out closer?) and others have had catastrophic arm problems (how about Robb Nen?) I don't think giving a relatively inexperienced closer a ton of money when he is under contract for less than $500,000 makes sense. However, if he goes out and saves 40 games with a sub 2.50 ERA this year then I say give him whatever he wants. Its just I need one more good year before I'm ready to permanently give Paps elite closer status.

Opening Day is Just Three Weeks Away

Get pumped. It is a mere 15 working days until my defending World Champion Boston Red Sox take on the sure-to-be-miserable Oakland Athletics in Tokyo to kick off the 2008 MLB season. Baseball is by far my favorite sport and it pains me that it is losing currency in America because of the ever-growing popularity of football. What does this tell me? That some people in America are idiots, just look at the clowns we have running this country and it's no surprise that baseball is waning in popularity. People who claim to not like baseball are either one of two things- a communist or a pussy/lacrosse player (it's hard for me to distinguish the two). It's that simple. People claim that it's too slow for them, that's because their twisted-pinko brains are used to watching flashy socialist propoganda films (and/or MTV) that are designed for weak-minded proles who demand instant gratification. Other complaints range from the season is too long to the disparity between the haves and the have-nots is too large. If you hear one of these loonies and want to stand up for your country the correct response to any and all of these complaints is this, "Shut up you anti-American scumbag. Go back to Russia and take your little basket on a stick with you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Anyway, I'm not going to let these crazies bring me down. Baseball is America and America is baseball. I'm going to try to put up a baseball related post daily, these should range from previews to fantasy advice to unadulterated Yankee bashing (although I don't really mind Hank Steinbrenner, he makes me laugh).

David Ortiz in a Sidecar

It is my personal opinion that there is no higher form of comedy than a person in a sidecar. The person doesn't have to be doing anything other than just sit there and I am bound to crack-up. So I was positively giddy when I heard that Big Papi was cruising around in a sidecar. While these photos are great if he had been wearing a leather helmet, goggles, and a scarf than I would have seriously peed myself. I probably would have to leave work because I would be so unproductive. (top image found at barstoolsports.com)

My dad can kick your dads ass

Maggie and I were IM'ing headlines to eachother about violence in Massachusetts this weekend. Conversation quickly turned for the worse:

Maggie131313 (3:55:09 PM): http://www.boston.com/news/globe/city_region/breaking_news/2007/11/massive_search.html
DTMcCrann (3:55:50 PM): wow
DTMcCrann (3:58:07 PM): did you see all the other one
Maggie131313 (3:58:20 PM): to
DTMcCrann (3:58:10 PM): s
Maggie131313 (3:58:27 PM): ?
DTMcCrann (3:58:15 PM): on the left
Maggie131313 (3:58:27 PM): no
Maggie131313 (3:58:40 PM): no
DTMcCrann (3:58:56 PM): Party ended with a fight -- and a fatal gunshot
DTMcCrann (3:59:03 PM): Two dead after Worcester shooting
DTMcCrann (3:59:10 PM): Lawrence teen charged in fatal shooting
Maggie131313 (3:59:33 PM): awesome
DTMcCrann (3:59:24 PM): Salem police: stabbings and shooting unrelated to Halloween festivities
DTMcCrann (3:59:26 PM): Party ended with a fight -- and a fatal gunshot
Maggie131313 (3:59:43 PM): yes i see
DTMcCrann (3:59:33 PM): Dorchester pizza shop owner shot in head while chasing robber
DTMcCrann (3:59:38 PM): sweet state you got there
Maggie131313 (3:59:58 PM): oh shut the fuck up
DTMcCrann (3:59:48 PM): haha
DTMcCrann (3:59:54 PM): it's worse in DC
Maggie131313 (4:00:07 PM): DC is soooo classy
Maggie131313 (4:00:08 PM): NO
Maggie131313 (4:00:14 PM): i'm from cohasset
Maggie131313 (4:00:18 PM): let's get serious
DTMcCrann (4:00:06 PM): Rich bitch
DTMcCrann (4:00:13 PM): I'm from GF
DTMcCrann (4:00:26 PM): the richest town in the richest county in the country
Maggie131313 (4:00:42 PM): yeah except you moved away like 10 yrs ago....
DTMcCrann (4:00:34 PM): yeah
DTMcCrann (4:00:40 PM): well you lived in NH
DTMcCrann (4:00:43 PM): redneck
Maggie131313 (4:00:59 PM): ummm
Maggie131313 (4:01:00 PM): no i didnt
Maggie131313 (4:01:03 PM): i lived in vermont
DTMcCrann (4:00:54 PM): oh yeah
DTMcCrann (4:00:56 PM): hippie
DTMcCrann (4:01:01 PM): HA
Maggie131313 (4:01:14 PM): ted-i'm better than you
Maggie131313 (4:01:21 PM): just get it through your head and shut up
DTMcCrann (4:01:09 PM): my dad can kick your dads ass
Maggie131313 (4:01:38 PM): dunc cant take ed
DTMcCrann (4:01:31 PM): fuck you he can't
Maggie131313 (4:01:43 PM): ed would eat dunc for breakfast
Maggie131313 (4:01:51 PM): in between the nails and screws
DTMcCrann (4:01:49 PM): My dad KNOWS the lord
DTMcCrann (4:01:51 PM): personall
DTMcCrann (4:01:52 PM): y
Maggie131313 (4:02:15 PM): no thats your mom
DTMcCrann (4:02:15 PM): my dad played college football
DTMcCrann (4:02:21 PM): my dad is a fireman
Maggie131313 (4:02:34 PM): my grandfather played for the boston red sox
Maggie131313 (4:02:35 PM): EAT IT
DTMcCrann (4:02:25 PM): my dad is a ninja
DTMcCrann (4:02:37 PM): my grandfather killed people
Maggie131313 (4:02:55 PM): sweet
Maggie131313 (4:02:58 PM): i could kill people if i wanted
DTMcCrann (4:02:50 PM): no you couldn't
Maggie131313 (4:03:04 PM): but you couldnt play for the bosox if you wanted
DTMcCrann (4:02:52 PM): pussy
Maggie131313 (4:03:08 PM): so i win
DTMcCrann (4:02:59 PM): neither could you
Maggie131313 (4:03:19 PM): nope i couldnt
DTMcCrann (4:03:07 PM): cause you're a stupid girl
Maggie131313 (4:03:24 PM): but MY grandfather could
Maggie131313 (4:03:25 PM): not yours
Maggie131313 (4:03:26 PM): mine
DTMcCrann (4:03:17 PM): stupid smelly girl
Maggie131313 (4:03:34 PM): girls do not smell
DTMcCrann (4:03:29 PM): my grandfather played football too
DTMcCrann (4:03:36 PM): against the four horseman
Maggie131313 (4:03:55 PM): good fr him
DTMcCrann (4:04:08 PM): i hate you
DTMcCrann (4:04:13 PM): we are so over
Maggie131313 (4:04:31 PM): hmmm
Maggie131313 (4:04:32 PM): ok
DTMcCrann (4:04:24 PM): good

Tiniest Man Imaginable Brings Red Sox Another Ring, and other exciting developments from the weekend

Wow, what a weekend of sports for me, probably one of the best ever. First on Saturday I was in attendance when my UConn Huskies upset South Florida for their first win ever over a ranked opponent, then the Patriots fustigated the Redskins, and THEN the Sox won the World Series. Remarkable. So I'll take it game by game:

UConn 22 USF 15

Summary (in my opinion)- This game didn't even seem this close until the last 5 minutes or so. King Conn was up 16-0 at the half and everything was breaking their way (2 missed FGs, a pick-6, etc...). The Huskies couldn't stop Grothe when he was running the ball in the second half but they finally figured it out on the last drive. On a crucial third and goal from the 2 with about a minute left Grothe ran a naked bootleg but the Connecticut DE stayed home and dropped him for a loss, back to the 10. 4th down? Incomplete. Fans rush the field.

Excitement Level- 4 Motor City Bowl victories out of 5. This was a huge win, no doubt, but it will go for naught if the Huskies lose* to hated Rutgers. Coach Edsall just needs to keep the troops focused each week. The next three games are definitely winnable (Rutgers, at Cincinnati, Syracuse) which could lead up to a defacto Big East title game against West Virginia in Morgantown. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. One game at a time, Doug, one game at at time...

F U factor (how much this victory allows me to tell others to kill themselves)- 3 pulled-pork barbecue sangwiches out of 5. It's nice to have my college football team do well after spending my college years in the south because now I can mock my friends who are Clemson, Alabama, or whatever fans for something other than their overall douchebaggyness.




New England 52 Washington 7

Summary- On the Patriots first drive, Brady underthrew Wes Welker in the endzone. What a jerk! I would have won my fantasy game this week if that idiot could learn how to throw the football. Then he's arrogant enough to run it in himself? And then the defense gives up a touchdown while the lead is only 52!!! That really pissed me off since I wagered Pats -49. Honestly, it was a nice win, only tarnished by the hat Brady wore in his post game interview (it's still better than the one Junior Seau wears; most recently in his ESPN interview. The only way I can describe it is it looks like a hat a gay train conductor would wear. Seriously when I saw him wearing it for the first time I thought: "how did this gay train conductor get into the Patriots locker room," no joke. (note: I tried to find a picture but couldn't, any help would be appreciated)). And to those of you who bitch about running up the score: these people are professionals, if you don't like having the score run up on you then stop them. Most of the ex-players I heard interviewed (including Mike Ditka) had zero problem with this.

Excitement Level- 2 confiscated spy tapes out of 5. Ho-hum, the Patriots win by 45. I guess this sets up ARMAGEDDON for next week which will be interesting, I suppose...

F U Level- 1 Bill Belichick extramarital affair out of 5. This game was nothing different from what the Patriots did all year. It gets one point because now that I'm on Freglomerica I can't make fun of Ted for his 'Skins getting the shit kicked out of them. Here's how I think it would go down-

Me: Hey Ted, your team is of poor quality compared to the AFC.
Ted: Your team's the one with... the sh..shell on it...
Doug: Ya' got that?
Ted: Shut up, Richard.

Boston 4 Colorado 3 (Red Sox sweep World Series)


Summary- This game was actually pretty exciting, it had a lot of nice subplots (especially Lester) but even if the Rockies pulled it out it was a dead certainty that Josh Beckett throws a one-hit shutout in Game 5 so I was never that nervous.

Excitement Level- 5 Tina Cervasio handjobs out of 5. I've been kind of numb since the Series ended. I know that I'm excited but I don't really feel it. I think after Game 6 of the ALCS I was all excited out but it will probably hit me in a couple days.

F U Level- 5 awkward postgame interviews with ownership out of 5. Take that Yankees fans. You suck. And to all of you who are like, "the Red Sox are the new Yankees." Quit. Seriously just quit. Drive home, draw yourself a bath, get in, and then slit your wrists.

Recently everyone's been saying how good it is for Boston right meow and I agree, it is good. But it seems like everyone forgets that in 2004 the Sox and Pats won it all. That year was especially great for me because Coach Calhoun guided the Huskies to their second championship by beating pedophile Mike Kyrlkjfdsfasdlkjzski in the Final Four. So this year is shaping up to be great but it has a loooong way before it tops that year.


*I shit you not it just took me 5 minutes to figure out how to spell "lose." I really couldn't remember. I was trying out "loos", "loose" whatever. I even tried to convince my self that "loss "can also be pronounced "lose." What the hell, I have a journalism degree. That was really weird. Now I'm going to be second (cekond? seekont?) guessing myself for the rest of this article...