Saturday, December 12, 2009

New England Patriots Mascot Caught In Sex Sting.

Fox News is reporting that the man in the Pat the Patriot uniform was picked up in a prostitution related sex sting that netted 13 individuals. The man, from Warwick, was arrested at a hotel where he was apparently banging a hooker. Rhode Island recently passed a law that makes all prostitution a misdemeanor, where previously "indoor prostitution" was legal. They have closed the legal loophole and the legs of a bunch of freakin' hookahs. When asked how it felt to be part of a sex sting the man replied, "Sex Sting? Is that why it burns when I pee?" No sir, that is the clap.

Friday, December 4, 2009

It's like water, only colder

So it's snowing in Texas today, which is, as far as I know, a sign of the coming apocalypse. They has been a run on the grocery stores to stock up on supplies. But here in Texas they tend to stock up on Budweiser, brisket and jerky as opposed to the standard water and bread. I'm scared too, but for different reasons. Driving.
The drivers here are freaking terrible. They smash into eachother with reckless abandon even when the pavement is clean and dry. Add rain, and you have a virtual clusterfuck of catastrophic collisions. Pileups, even piledowns--which are a nightmare. Add snow? I think the fucking world might end. So, I am fully stocked up on Budweiser, brisket and jerky and I am sitting on the front porch with an unlit molotov cocktail and shotgun. BRING IT.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Its been a long month

But this makes me feel so good.