Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Really?

So last night I was watching TV when this commercial for a work clothes retailer called Work'N Gear came on. It was a pretty standard until the logo popped up at the end.Now maybe I'm totally off base here but that's a pretty offensive, right? Just say the "NGear" part aloud and see if any black people around you punch you in the face (or if you are black yourself, if you punch yourself in the face). I don't think I'm reaching for this one. I seriously think this is one of the biggest advertising missteps of all time. As soon as the logo flashed on the screen I was like, "Dear Lord, is that real?" At least the company's Website is equal opportunity and this black dude didn't have any problem rocking some NGear threads... "You know, were just manly guys who like to do manly things."

Umm... did I miss something?

Ted wrote: "[Three] of the eight 'ringleaders' received 38,976 years EACH. Issue is, IN SPAIN NO ONE CAN SERVE MORE THAT 40 YEARS IN PRISON. So all these murderers and accomplices to murder are going to walk free, completely free, in our lifetime. Do your research numb nuts."

I'm not sure exactly what "research" Ted is talking about. I said that they received the "maximum penalty" knowing full well that it was 40 years in prison. I couldn't find the specific ages of all of these terrorists but I'd place them at around 30-years-old so they're not going to get out until they are at least 70, if there able to survive in prison where the average life expectancy can't be very high so maybe, maybe these people will get out of jail at some point.

Also, Ted said that these people would be out in "our lifetime." That's kind of a bold prediction for Ted. Ya see Ted is like 47 years old so he's probably not going to be around when these guys get out and if he is then he's going to be either crapping himself or using a comically-large listening horn.

Blah Blah Blah, Ted's a cutter.

Breaking News: Doug Likes Little Boys

Don't fall for D.R. Sweeneys cute hippie bullshit. First off, three of the eight "ringleaders" received 38,976 years EACH. Issue is, IN SPAIN NO ONE CAN SERVE MORE THAT 40 YEARS IN PRISON. So all these murderers and accomplices to murder are going to walk free, completely free, in our lifetime. Do your research numb nuts. Second, in America they would all be dead soon. Third, you're a communist, stop hating freedom and arguing to argue.

BREAKING NEWS: Ted Hates America

So Ted's post below says the Spanish hate freedom because they acquitted seven of the 28 people involved in a 2004 train bombing. I don't get his point. These people were given a presumably fair trial, most were found guilty and sentenced to like a combined 40,000 years (seriously, I am not joking about that number), and some were found not guilty. What's wrong with that? Listen, I'm sure the prosecutor tried as hard as he could to convict all 28 but when it came down to it there wasn't enough evidence. Ted acts like he knows something the Spanish prosecutor didn't. Yeah maybe one of the guys was caught on tape saying something very incriminating but it wasn't used for whatever reason and he was acquitted on a technicality and NOTHING I repeat NOTHING is more American than being found not guilty because of a technicality.

Shit, every 4th of July after I down a sixer of Budweiser and eat an entire apple pie covered with American cheese I go out, get arrested, then spend thousands of dollars on a high-priced lawyer to get me off on a technicality because I feel that is what the Founding Fathers would want me to do. Call me crazy but if a court of law finds you not guilty that means you're not guilty, end of story. And its not like they didn't sentence 21 people to the maximum penalty.

To quote Otter from Animal House: "Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!"

Click here for a link to the story from the BBC

Breaking News: The Spanish Hate Freedom


True: The Spanish Government hates freedom.
False: It's ok to let terrorist that blow things up off the hook because they have an f'd up nose or a funny laugh. (See Picture above)

Those Spanish assholes have released seven of the terrorists that were involved, directly or indirectly, with the Madrid train bombing. Which, by the bye, killed 191 freaking people. No biggie, right? They have also acquitted the man who, on a wiretapped phone call, admitted that the whole damn thing was his idea.

So based on this court case, I have decided that the best way to get out of a speeding ticket in Spain is to drive as fast as you can, then call the cops and tell them exactly how fast you are going, how much of a badass you are and run over 191 people while your at it. Bring the taped conversation to court play it and say, "This is me admitting that speeding was my fantastic idea, praise God. I killed 191 people, can I go now?"

Then make yourself a toaster strudel and watch Oprah.
Then cut yourself because your are a freedom hating crazy fanatic and that's what you do, you kill people, so why not take your work home with you.

P.S. - Hillary Clinton Sucks. or Licks....


Sign her now, Gibbs, Sign her now!

Listen Joe, this chick gets nailed by the entire football team. (sweet double entendre) and gets back up. After the game she said she was a little bruised, but ok. Listen, if you got nailed by the whole team, you'd have that other foot in the grave. (Ha, I love that) Point being, she's tougher than the Redskins defense. Get on the ball Joe. Also, I'm a cutter.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

UPDATE OF EARLIER REPORT: This Tuesday Not as Sucky as Most Tuesdays

As first reported on a website run by a man calling himself "Doug the Punter," the day of the week Tuesday sucks. However, two exciting new developments for this Tuesday, the 30th, are making people reconsider how much the day actually sucks.

Alleviating some of the usual Tuesday suckiness will be the free tacos distributed by national taco conglomerate Taco Bell. The tacos were won for America by Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury when he stole a base in the recent World Series, as part of a promotion. Experts say there is little doubt that the tacos will provide much-needed deliciousosity to a day commonly associated with a lack of tacos.

Most Americans were overjoyed at fortuitous turn of events. "Can't talk. Eating," coughed one man, identified only as "Dunc", in a northern Virginia Taco Bell as he gasped for air in between bites of his free taco. His meal was supplemented by 4 chalupas, 5 orders of Nachos Bell Grande, and an unspecified number of quesadillas.

Another less overweight man described his joy with the brief respite from the normal suckiness of Tuesday: "I've been waiting a long time for a Tuesday to come along where I didn't feel like killing myself and everyone around me and these tacos have assuaged my anger.... For now," he added ominously.

Further catapulting this particular Tuesday from the realm of sucky to tolerable is the beginning of the NBA season this evening. Although the match-ups are at best questionable the inclusion of basketball on the barren landscape of Tuesday night television is a welcome change for most. Basketball insiders have indicated that Commissioner David Stern was heavily influenced by Doug the Punter's report regarding the public's perception of Tuesday.

"The Commish has long drawn the ire of Doug and, fearful for his life, decided to appease him by starting this season on a Tuesday," said one high-ranking NBA official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

Doug the Punter could not be reached for specific comment but his press secretary released a statement this morning that indicates that while he is pleased with how this Tuesday is going, he still has little regard for the second day of the work week. An excerpt reads: "Yeah, this Tuesday is decent I guess but how the fuck am I supposed to get my free taco when I have to work all day. And the start of the NBA is exciting but my Celtics don't play until Friday; on top of that tonight's games are kinda lame (especially San Antonio v. Portland). ... Top that off with the fact that I have to write for Newser from 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. and this Tuesday is still pretty fucking shitty. I make no apologies for my hard-line stance on the suckiness of Tuesdays."

In other day-related news it seems that a resolution to Doug the Punter's court case against Sunday is still a long way off. Doug claims that Sunday falsely portrays itself as a weekend even though it really isn't because you have work hanging over your head all day. He is on the record as calling Sunday an "overrated piece-of-shit excuse for a day."

Terry Francona Celebrates the Win

It's a little grainy cause of all the champagne on the lens, but that little fucker is getting down!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Attention New English People

I hate you all. I will not be posting anything about that game for personal reasons. Mainly, my inability to admit :
1. Defeat.
2. Other people's superiority.
3. That my girlfriend has a crush on Tom "I have bastard Children" Brady.
4. Being wrong.
5. That we lost that game before the first kickoff.

So fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Good Game, Good Game, Good Game, Good Game, Good Game, Good Game. I'm a cutter.

Tiniest Man Imaginable Brings Red Sox Another Ring, and other exciting developments from the weekend

Wow, what a weekend of sports for me, probably one of the best ever. First on Saturday I was in attendance when my UConn Huskies upset South Florida for their first win ever over a ranked opponent, then the Patriots fustigated the Redskins, and THEN the Sox won the World Series. Remarkable. So I'll take it game by game:

UConn 22 USF 15

Summary (in my opinion)- This game didn't even seem this close until the last 5 minutes or so. King Conn was up 16-0 at the half and everything was breaking their way (2 missed FGs, a pick-6, etc...). The Huskies couldn't stop Grothe when he was running the ball in the second half but they finally figured it out on the last drive. On a crucial third and goal from the 2 with about a minute left Grothe ran a naked bootleg but the Connecticut DE stayed home and dropped him for a loss, back to the 10. 4th down? Incomplete. Fans rush the field.

Excitement Level- 4 Motor City Bowl victories out of 5. This was a huge win, no doubt, but it will go for naught if the Huskies lose* to hated Rutgers. Coach Edsall just needs to keep the troops focused each week. The next three games are definitely winnable (Rutgers, at Cincinnati, Syracuse) which could lead up to a defacto Big East title game against West Virginia in Morgantown. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. One game at a time, Doug, one game at at time...

F U factor (how much this victory allows me to tell others to kill themselves)- 3 pulled-pork barbecue sangwiches out of 5. It's nice to have my college football team do well after spending my college years in the south because now I can mock my friends who are Clemson, Alabama, or whatever fans for something other than their overall douchebaggyness.




New England 52 Washington 7

Summary- On the Patriots first drive, Brady underthrew Wes Welker in the endzone. What a jerk! I would have won my fantasy game this week if that idiot could learn how to throw the football. Then he's arrogant enough to run it in himself? And then the defense gives up a touchdown while the lead is only 52!!! That really pissed me off since I wagered Pats -49. Honestly, it was a nice win, only tarnished by the hat Brady wore in his post game interview (it's still better than the one Junior Seau wears; most recently in his ESPN interview. The only way I can describe it is it looks like a hat a gay train conductor would wear. Seriously when I saw him wearing it for the first time I thought: "how did this gay train conductor get into the Patriots locker room," no joke. (note: I tried to find a picture but couldn't, any help would be appreciated)). And to those of you who bitch about running up the score: these people are professionals, if you don't like having the score run up on you then stop them. Most of the ex-players I heard interviewed (including Mike Ditka) had zero problem with this.

Excitement Level- 2 confiscated spy tapes out of 5. Ho-hum, the Patriots win by 45. I guess this sets up ARMAGEDDON for next week which will be interesting, I suppose...

F U Level- 1 Bill Belichick extramarital affair out of 5. This game was nothing different from what the Patriots did all year. It gets one point because now that I'm on Freglomerica I can't make fun of Ted for his 'Skins getting the shit kicked out of them. Here's how I think it would go down-

Me: Hey Ted, your team is of poor quality compared to the AFC.
Ted: Your team's the one with... the sh..shell on it...
Doug: Ya' got that?
Ted: Shut up, Richard.

Boston 4 Colorado 3 (Red Sox sweep World Series)


Summary- This game was actually pretty exciting, it had a lot of nice subplots (especially Lester) but even if the Rockies pulled it out it was a dead certainty that Josh Beckett throws a one-hit shutout in Game 5 so I was never that nervous.

Excitement Level- 5 Tina Cervasio handjobs out of 5. I've been kind of numb since the Series ended. I know that I'm excited but I don't really feel it. I think after Game 6 of the ALCS I was all excited out but it will probably hit me in a couple days.

F U Level- 5 awkward postgame interviews with ownership out of 5. Take that Yankees fans. You suck. And to all of you who are like, "the Red Sox are the new Yankees." Quit. Seriously just quit. Drive home, draw yourself a bath, get in, and then slit your wrists.

Recently everyone's been saying how good it is for Boston right meow and I agree, it is good. But it seems like everyone forgets that in 2004 the Sox and Pats won it all. That year was especially great for me because Coach Calhoun guided the Huskies to their second championship by beating pedophile Mike Kyrlkjfdsfasdlkjzski in the Final Four. So this year is shaping up to be great but it has a loooong way before it tops that year.


*I shit you not it just took me 5 minutes to figure out how to spell "lose." I really couldn't remember. I was trying out "loos", "loose" whatever. I even tried to convince my self that "loss "can also be pronounced "lose." What the hell, I have a journalism degree. That was really weird. Now I'm going to be second (cekond? seekont?) guessing myself for the rest of this article...

BREAKING NEWS: Benny the Jet and Red Sox Win World Series, Save Babe Ruth Ball From the Beast

Picture borrowed from Barstool Sports

Friday, October 26, 2007

Doug the Punter

Salutations Freedom Lovers,

I, Doug the Punter, have officially moved from my previous blog, Freedom Blog, USA, and arrived at Freedom, Glory, America. I am pretty excited about the merger as it will vastly increase mine and Ted's killing, er, I mean, writing power. Anyway I don't have a lot to say right meow other than I will be recapping the Real World every week (I'm not really sure why) and writing intermittently about various things, usually related to the Boston sports world. Basically I'll be arguing back and forth with Ted a lot but don't worry it will be entertaining (disclaimer: it probably won't be), we'll keep it as inappropriate and as below-the-belt as possible. One note I am going to stay out of politics as much as possible; I'll let Ted make an ass of himself on his own. Tune in Monday for sure-to-be-entertaining recaps of the Washington and New England game from totally different but equally skewed perspectives.

I remain etc.,
Doug the Punter

For all my previous articles, of which there are many, please visit my archives.

For real news in a quick, digestible summaries please visit Newser.com. I write for the sports section.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Brothers get wierd sometimes.

EJMcCrann (4:20:25 PM): poop
EJMcCrann (4:20:28 PM): speaking of poop
EJMcCrann (4:20:40 PM): when you go to my house find the poop peoples number on the thing
EJMcCrann (4:20:49 PM): i need to cancel service until dog is back

DTMcCrann (4:20:58 PM): k
DTMcCrann (4:21:08 PM): i might forget
DTMcCrann (4:21:12 PM): so don't get mad
DTMcCrann (4:21:20 PM): that's an obscure thing to remember
EJMcCrann (4:21:28 PM): POOP

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Again, I ask you to spread the love

Tell your friends. I want more input and comments on this blog. I spend enough time talking to myself, I don't need to be blogging to myself as well. Big Ed, You out there?

Please read, take heed, and choose your news.

The Weekly Standard


The Greatest Story Never Told
Military progress in Iraq goes unnoticed by the press.
by Dean Barnett
10/23/2007 12:00:00 AM


MOST PEOPLE DON'T know about the website icasualties.org Icasualties.org is run by a bunch of lefties who have dedicated themselves to aggregating all the bad news out of Iraq over the past few years. Each day for the past thirty-four months, Icasualties.org has documented every Coalition military death as well as every violent civilian death in Iraq.

The people who run Icasualties.org obviously have little fondness for Operation Iraqi Freedom. Among their many tendentious metrics is a tally of all the deaths since President Bush announced "Bring them on." Yet, in spite of a clear political agenda, Icaualties.org plays it straight--they just report the numbers. It's important to note that all the discussion regarding how David Petraeus classifies deaths has nothing to do with
Icasualties.org's figures. If six bodies are found in Baghdad, they get added to Icasualties.org's butcher's bill. David Petraeus doesn't get a vote.

Since Icasualties.org is an ideological fellow traveler of mot mainstream media outlets, you'd figure the site's reporting would occasionally get noticed. In the past, Icasualties.org's numbers and mainstream media reports have sometimes marched in lockstep. Who can forget all the "grim milestones" that the media purportedly mourned during the past four years?

IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS, the story in Iraq has changed dramatically. The numbers on Icasualties.org have reflected that change. The metric that most clearly animates the mainstream media and the American public is the count of American casualties. In the spring, with "the surge" just being rolled out, over 100 American soldiers a month died between April and June. Even though the surge was just beginning, it was about that time that Harry Reid asserted, "As many had foreseen, the escalation has failed to produce the intended results." As an analysis of our military prospects, Reid's comments were risible. Of course, Reid didn't intend to provide a serious military analysis. Rather, he tried to cynically capitalize on American deaths for political gain.

Since Reid's ill-timed comment, the situation for American soldiers in Iraq has taken a sharp turn for the better. The accompanying graph clearly shows the trend, but the situation can perhaps be best summed up by looking at the numbers in May compared to the numbers so far from October. In May, 120 American soldiers died in combat, and six more died from non-hostile causes. With October three-fourths complete, 20 American soldiers have died in combat while eight others have died non-hostilities related deaths.

It would be one thing if this improvement transpired because American commanders, spooked by the relatively high death tolls in the spring, decided to focus their mission on force protection. But that hasn't been the case. American troops have been engaging the enemy more actively over the past several months than at any time during Operation Iraqi Freedom, and they've done so to spectacular effect.
The results of the surge, or "the escalation" as Harry Reid derisively called it, have been obvious in the Icasualties.org numbers. Before the surge, a bad month would claim the lives of roughly 3,000 Iraqi civilians and security force members. In February '07, the exact number was 3,014 Iraqi casualties. In March, the figure was 2,977. As the surge began to have its effects, that number dropped to 1674 in August. In September, with the surge taking full effect, the numbers showed a profound change--the Iraqi death toll plunged to 848.

Happily, September's figures don't appear to be an aberration. October has seen 502 Iraqi casualties so far. If the trend continues though the end of October, the final number should be around 650 for the entire month. That represents better than an 80 percent improvement from the war's nadir.

YOU'D THINK THIS would be a big story. After all, the mainstream media makes such a show of "supporting the troops" at every turn, you'd think it would rush to report the amazing story of our soldiers accomplishing what many observers declared "impossible" and "unwinnable" not so long ago.
It hasn't worked out that way. When General Ricardo Sanchez (ret.) addressed the situation in Iraq on October 11, he proclaimed that America was "living a nightmare with no end in sight." Naturally, the "nightmare" quote wound up in the first paragraph of the New York Times report on Sanchez's comments. What didn't find its way into the Times' report was any context of what's going on in Iraq. The "nightmare" assessment would have been a whole lot more fitting when Sanchez was helping run the show in Iraq in 2006 than it is today.

Some people are trying to explain to the American public what's happening in Iraq. Pete Hegseth is a 27 year-old Princeton grad who spent a year leading a combat platoon in Iraq and now heads Vets for Freedom, an organization that supports victory in Iraq. In yesterday's New York Post, Hegseth wrote an important op-ed piece that explains our counter-insurgency strategy in some depth.

"The term 'surge' is far too simplistic", Hegseth writes, "as it implies simply throwing more forces at the problem, when Petraeus' changes in tactics are even more important. The new counterinsurgency approach--namely, to take territory from al Qaeda, hold it, secure it and empower tribal sheiks to work together and rebuild their communities--finally provides an effective 'counteroffensive' to the chief tactics of al Qaeda militants and Shiite death squads."

And then there's the intrepid Michael Yon. Yon has spent more time on the frontlines than any other American reporters. He reported anecdotal evidence of a sea-change in Iraq that preceded the change in the hard numbers by several months.

The mainstream media's failure to report what's been happening in Iraq frustrates Yon perhaps more than anyone. He has risked his life to tell that story, and the American media has yawned, apparently preferring the anachronistic pronouncements of a former general who hasn't been in the theatre since the surge began. Earlier this week, Yon offered his dispatches free of charge to any paper willing to publish them. It will be interesting to see if he has any takers.

WHAT'S MOST FRUSTRATING about the press's reporting about Iraq is that you just know the next time something goes wrong, be it a car bomb slipping through or a mishap involving American soldiers, that story will get above-the-fold treatment in America's major dailies. The same old voices will begin shrieking "quagmire," and an American pop-singer will probably re-shape John Kerry's tired "Who will be the last to die for a mistake?" query into a lame rock song. (Wait, Bruce Springsteen has already done that.)

The cries of defeat and retreat will intensify.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with the media reporting the bad news out of Iraq. Indeed, it's their duty. But there is something profoundly wrong with the media reporting the bad news while disingenuously ignoring the progress we've made, progress that's only been made because of the sacrifices of 160,000 American soldiers.

Dean Barnett is a staff writer at THE WEEKLY STANDARD.
icasualties.bmp
Hostile and non-hostile American deaths in Iraq. Source: Icasualties.org.

C Copyright 2007, News Corporation, Weekly Standard, All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen

Please don't hesitate to tell your friends and enemies about FreGloMerica. I would like to get more people involved in FGA. Please just make sure that everyone knows what they are getting into. Humor. I don't need a bunch of whining crybabies getting offended. Unfortunately, as Opie or Anthony said this morning, in modern day America people have begun to believe that they have the right not to be offended. That's just silly. There is nothing that would ever lead me to think that anyone has a protected right not to be offended. So shove it.
Also, I am going to start posting somewhat relevant articles that I come across. So when you see a post that is credited to someone other than myself, they are one hundred percent real articles. I cannot speak to the sources, but they are going to be from real journalists. Ya know, the kind that have ethics and don't ignore things just because they don't bring good ratings. For instance, authors that write about the successes and progress in Iraq and the War on Terror, instead of just filling idiots heads with sensationalist bullshit. I will do my best to stay on track. Freedom, Glory, America.
Don't worry kids, I'm still a large, angry American male in his mid-twenties. I'm still upset. I'll still be ranting.

Please tell me your kidding

It was recently brought to my attention that some of you pinko, commie, left-wing nutjobs have begun to blame someone for the fires in California. Wait for it.....wait for it....Bush!!!! Burning Bush!(again, too easy)
Come on people. I get it, you think that you are smarter than GWB. Is that why you were elected President. Or is that why you spend your days serving coffee to pricks that order "venti double whipped low-fat soy mocha lattes" every morning at seven-fifty a sip? And then have the balls to change your job title from "Moronic High School senior that serves me coffee" to "Barista." Ohhhhhh. You're a Barista! That makes all the difference in the world. Why don't you marry my daughter because lord knows I love me a good French Roast. Yeah, please be part of my family. We can all smoke shitty weed and drink coffee and listen to Norah "the wino" Jones. Then we can talk about our feelings and cut ourselves. It's not my fault that your dad didn't hug you and your mom is bitter that you made her fat. Take the nail polish off and go back to the Community Theatre where someone gives a shit that you think you're smarter than the leader of the most powerful nation in the history of Man.
Ok, so his Dad may have gotten him in to Yale. But guess what? He graduated! And they didn't hand out grades for cash back then. Because the didn't have rich bleeding heart liberals crying to their Daddy because Dr. Smith didn't like their sixth-grade book report on the socio-economic effects of the 6th Harry Potter book. Kiss my ass you morons. By the way, I want a LARGE BLACK COFFEE, not an Venti Drip. Venti Drip sounds like something that my grandfather may have contracted in Italy during the Second Great War, god rest is Irish soul. Yes, my grandfather served his country and loved it, but would punch you in the face if you told him that black coffee was now a Venti Drip. Miss you Pops.

Silly Hillary and her dental surgery.

Hillary thinks bill is romantic for buying her a gift that reminded him of teeth
By the by, when you open this article try not laugh when you read the title that the actual author came up with.

Attention Liberals!

You will not be able to vote for Bill Clinton next year! I know that many of you get sexually excited when you see the name Clinton on the ballot, but please remember that your voting for Hillary "I eat babies for breakfast because I hate freedom and have absolutely no idea how to run a country" Rodham Clinton. I repeat, you're not voting for Bill. I sort of understand where you are coming from. We all did very well during those eight years. But let us not forget the effect of previous administrations economic and foreign policies.(shut up Dougthepunter) I'm not saying that Clinton was bad, I'm just saying that a mans ability to bang fat ugly horse-face women does not qualify him for the presidency. On top of that, pun intended, Hillary did not "stand by her husband in the face of adversity," she lets her husband bang fat chicks because she she can't stop him and she hooked up with Billy Jean King in college. (oops, true story) Either way, Bill knew what he was doing. He had experience. (too easy) But leadership qualities and charisma are not STD's, Hillary doesn't have them. Just because Bill is living in the White House does not mean he will be running the country. Why would he want to? Look what he did last time! If he doesn't have any responsibilities at all, the he'll be knee-deep in fried Bologna sandwiches and large women in no time. Anyway, I figured that I would let you all know that because judging by the recent poles, you morons have no idea what the hell your talking about. Not to mention having no interest in protecting America's borders, economy, foreign policy, taxes, GDP, freedom, or free trips to the salad bar. (Thanks Draws) Just do me a favor, take all of your wishful thinking and aspirations about have a woman president to California and start roasting marshmallows you dirty, stinking hippies. I don't care about what gender the President is, man or woman, just not Hillary. Please not Hillary.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Don't Fly to Boston, Ever.

I'm still not sure who sucks larger amounts of ass. JetBlue(majority owned by the Antichrist) or MassTransit(the group of assholes that let a drunken leprechaun map out the roads, public transit, and taxi cabs of Boston). My advice, fly to Providence and drive, it's faster. So here are my issues and requests:
Jetblue - Please stop be such dirty, whorish liars. Just stop lying, please. You should get a 3 by 5 note card and write on it, "Stop Lying and Don't Steal Anything." Then keep that notecard in your pocket so that when you are lying to your customers and brazenly stealing profits--by cutting seats, overbooking, and underscheduling pilots-- you'll feel that card and take it out and read it. Then maybe, just maybe, you'll stop actively screwing your customers. Last night I was on Flight 1260, departing at 8:50PM out of Dulles heading to Boston. LIES! Those monkeys delayed us for 2 hours, claiming weather issues, yet Logan airport had no issues on their hotline or website. Then, this is the good part. the Jetblue guy(angel of death) gets on the mic and says, "ladies and gentlemans, we are sorry to inform you that Logan Airport is currently closed to incoming traffic. The flight is not canceled, and we will keep you informed as to any changes. If you would like to change your flight to tomorrow, you can do so at no charge." Now I'm thinking that sounds like the smart idea. They have been stringing us along for two hours already, the airport is closed, even if I do get there, it'll be 1 or 2 in the morning before I do. So, I switch the flight.
Fast forward TEN SECONDS.
CHEERING!!! APPLAUSE!!! PEOPLE HUGGING AND KISSING!!!
Holy crap they are boarding the plane. I call Logan Airport, no delays, never closed the airport. ARE YOU SURE?!?!?!?! Yes sir, if the airport was closed I think we'd know about it, sir. We are the airport, sir. Sir. Sir.
Those dirty, rotten, cock-sucking, rat bastards tricked me. Tricked us all. What happened is the crew was late or wasn't there or was smoking rocks in the bathroom. They used loose moral standing and an unwillingness to accept responsibility to justify lying about, AN AIRPORT BEING SHUT DOWN.
I'm le tired so I am going to have a nap. Then Maggie is cooking me breakfast, so I'll get to Bostons MassTransit later. You stupid sonofabitch, MassTransit. HA!

Friday, October 19, 2007

This is how I feel right now.

Robots taking over the world? Someone call Arnold!!!

Wired - Danger RoomRobot Cannon Kills 9, Wounds 14
By Noah Shachtman
EmailOctober 18, 2007 11:00:00
AMCategories: Ammo andMunitions, Drones, Guns 35mmfiring

We're not used to thinking of them this way. But many advancedmilitary weapons are essentially robotic -- picking targets outautomatically, slewing into position, and waiting only for a human to pullthe trigger. Most of the time. Once in a while, though, these machinesstart firing mysteriously on their own. The South African National DefenceForce "is probing whether a software glitch led to an antiaircraft cannonmalfunction that killed nine soldiers and seriously injured 14 others duringa shooting exercise on Friday." SA National Defence Force spokesman brigadier general Kwena Mangope saysthe cause of the malfunction is not yet known... Media reports say the shooting exercise, using live ammunition, tookplace at the SA Army's Combat Training Centre, at Lohatlha, in the NorthernCape, as part of an annual force preparation endeavour. Mangope told The Star that it “is assumed that there was a mechanicalproblem, which led to the accident. The gun, which was fully loaded, did notfire as it normally should have," he said. "It appears as though the gun,which is computerised, jammed before there was some sort of explosion, andthen it opened fire uncontrollably, killing and injuring the soldiers." Other reports have suggested a computer error might have been to blame.Defence pundit Helmoed-Römer Heitman told the Weekend Argus that if “thecause lay in computer error, the reason for the tragedy might never befound."The anti-aircraft weapon, an Oerlikon GDF-005, is designed to use passiveand active radar, as well as laser target designators range finders, to lockon to "high-speed, low-flying aircraft, helicopters, unmanned aerialvehicles (UAV) and cruise missiles." In "automatic mode," the weapon feedstargeting data from the fire control unit straight to the pair of 35mm guns,and reloads on its own when its emptied its magazine. Electronics engineer and defence company CEO Richard Young says he can'tbelieve the incident was purely a mechanical fault. He says his company,C2I2, in the mid 1990s, was involved in two air defence artillery upgradeprogrammes, dubbed Projects Catchy and Dart. During the shooting trials at Armscor's Alkantpan shooting range, “Ipersonally saw a gun go out of control several times,” Young says. “Theymade a temporary rig consisting of two steel poles on each side of theweapon, with a rope in between to keep the weapon from swinging. The weaponeventually knocked the pol[e]s down.”According to The Star, "a female artillery officer risked her life... in adesperate bid " to save members of her battery from the gun." But the brave, as yet unnamed officer was unable to stop the wildlyswinging computerised Swiss/German Oerlikon 35mm MK5 anti-aircrafttwin-barrelled gun. It sprayed hundreds of high-explosive 0,5kg 35mm cannonshells around the five-gun firing position. By the time the gun had emptied its twin 250-round auto-loadermagazines, nine soldiers were dead and 11 injured.

Human Resource or Ridiculous Goddamn Retard?

Proof that Human Resource Departments hate freedom, or at least have a strong disdain for everything that makes America great:
I'm a head hunter, a recruiter, and executive staffing agent. Basically, I'm a fucking job gangster. I spend my entire day on the phone, having coffee, or eating lunch. All in the hopes of getting myself introduced to the best top-producing, account reconciling, GL trial balance doing, Financial statement preparing badasses that I can. The reason I do this is because, well, IT'S MY FREAKING JOB! It's not a prison sentence, I am not held against my will, I am here because I love money. So, when your title is HR Dong, Human Resource Coordinator, Dickcissle, or something of the likes, then I am assuming, if you are a competent person, you would do your goddamn job as well. When it comes to the point where you realize that you cannot bring in the talent you need, essentially that you cannot manage the resources (humans) that your firm needs, you bring in the big dogs. Headhunters. You pay fees. You invest time and capital. All you have to do from this point on is:

1 Call the recruiter tell him what you need, what you'll pay that person and when you need them.
2 Wait for an email from recruiter.
3 Decide if you like the candidate.
4 Schedule an interview with the Hiring Manager.
5 Ask the Manager what they thought of the candidate.
6 Tell the recruiter what they thought.
7 Cross the candidate off the list or make a fucking offer.

Now we come to the point. If you, as an HR "professional," cannot get the proper feedback to the recruiter within 24 hours of the interview, you hate freedom. You hate freedom because you've realized that the only control you have left is that last piece of feedback, and you hold it like me on the last jelly donut.
Stick to sexual harrassment issues.
Ya bunch of fairies.

Opening Day

It's opening day here at Freglomerica and I must admit there is no buzz what-so-ever. I haven't told anyone about the blog and there is a solid chance you are the only asshole reading it. My main focus here is summed up in the title: Freedom, Glory and America. It'll be me ranting and raving in all my fat, angry, drunken, judgemental glory. Go Sox.