Virginia beats the shit out of New England.

Listen here Chowdaheads.


Sad story for you snow-weary Plymouth rock monkeys. Virginia totally started America. 1607, Jamestown, Va. Birthplace of America. Look it up bitches.

Virginia is prettier, with 34 highly regarded state parks. Love the smell of America? I do. Where do I get my fix? Virginia's state parks!

New England isn't even a state. It's a stupid region with stupid regional parks. Plus, when is anything named after England good? (England, not an English person. Too easy, Doug)

Virgina gave birth to eight presidents.

Virginia grows tobacco, everyone looks cool when they smoke, even Richie Cunningham.

Our State capital was also the capital of a country. (One that was not recognized by the US, but who cares! Fuck em.)

We have the Pentagon, the CIA, and the NRA. Also, we have 7 dead presidents and Arlington National cemetery on our hallowed grounds.

Virginia was once so big and bad that it consisted of Virgina, West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, North and South Carolina and DC. Beat that fuck stain.

Our accents sound better.

The Redskins are better (over time) than the patriots.

The Red Sox are better than anyone so fuck you Doug, I'm taking that one away.

America was born in Virginia.

Virginia is for lovers. We like to bump nasties.

p.s. Doug likes dudes.

Code Pink, Code STFU

A late response to the situation in Berkeley, Ca.

Good lord, this is classic:
"We want to protect our city from the onslaught of the right wing," said Code Pink spokeswoman Zanne Joi. "We're facing people who are willing to kill or send other people's children to kill to get what they want. We understand the reality of that, and we're prepared to face that in a nonviolent way."

Dear Zannie,
Protect your city from the onlaught of the right wing?!?!?!? Is the Republican party mobilizing some secret military force that no one knows about to attack Berkeley? Do you see people with guns running around with elephant flags? No, you silly communist/dejected hippie, no, you certainly don't. What you see is outraged US CITIZENS, fed up with you and your ridiculous animosity towards a government that protects your right be that stupid. Moreover, to be that stupid on purpose and outloud. The sad thing is, you people believe that our government is WRONG for using our VOLUNTEER MILITARY FORCE to protect our safety, interests and well-being. What is it exactly that you are going to "face in a nonviolent way?" I think you, Zanne Joi (can't be your real name), should put down your $9 organic, non-fat, mocha frappachino and go home. I'm sure there are people there that don't want to listen to you either. Kids, Husband, 50 cats......

Please tell me your kidding

It was recently brought to my attention that some of you pinko, commie, left-wing nutjobs have begun to blame someone for the fires in California. Wait for it.....wait for it....Bush!!!! Burning Bush!(again, too easy)
Come on people. I get it, you think that you are smarter than GWB. Is that why you were elected President. Or is that why you spend your days serving coffee to pricks that order "venti double whipped low-fat soy mocha lattes" every morning at seven-fifty a sip? And then have the balls to change your job title from "Moronic High School senior that serves me coffee" to "Barista." Ohhhhhh. You're a Barista! That makes all the difference in the world. Why don't you marry my daughter because lord knows I love me a good French Roast. Yeah, please be part of my family. We can all smoke shitty weed and drink coffee and listen to Norah "the wino" Jones. Then we can talk about our feelings and cut ourselves. It's not my fault that your dad didn't hug you and your mom is bitter that you made her fat. Take the nail polish off and go back to the Community Theatre where someone gives a shit that you think you're smarter than the leader of the most powerful nation in the history of Man.
Ok, so his Dad may have gotten him in to Yale. But guess what? He graduated! And they didn't hand out grades for cash back then. Because the didn't have rich bleeding heart liberals crying to their Daddy because Dr. Smith didn't like their sixth-grade book report on the socio-economic effects of the 6th Harry Potter book. Kiss my ass you morons. By the way, I want a LARGE BLACK COFFEE, not an Venti Drip. Venti Drip sounds like something that my grandfather may have contracted in Italy during the Second Great War, god rest is Irish soul. Yes, my grandfather served his country and loved it, but would punch you in the face if you told him that black coffee was now a Venti Drip. Miss you Pops.