Monday, June 30, 2008

Baseball = America

Oh really, the league is dominated by foreigners? Really? I guess the fact that a large majority (over 60%) of baseball players are American doesn't count as dominating. Regardless, should this matter? Baseball provides an opportunity for many people from less fortunate countries to come to this great nation of ours and, hopefully, fulfill the American dream, just like my ancestors did 100 years ago. Seriously, it wasn't more than a generation or two ago that names like Sean O'Malley and Rico Petrocelli were as foreign as Manny Ramirez or Jose Reyes. So a quick recap: most players are American and those that are not, join the great American melting pot. (Also many of these players become American citizens, like David Ortiz.)

Football has become the new poker. It's over analyzed to hell because there isn't enough action for the talking heads to discuss so they just work themselves into a lather about completely unimportant and nonsensical issues like Terrell Owens or post-game handshakes. Baseball actually produces new action nearly everyday. Nonstop action is very American.

Also, it's technically, "San Demas Football Rules." Billy Madison stole that line from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure...

Build a border fence around Baseball....

As we approach Freedommas (Latin for the Mass of Freedom), we find ourselves in the same old debate: Is Football more American than Baseball?

While I'm sure that Doug is foaming at the mouth, I think I'm going to go for Football on this one ladies. It's not that I don't support Baseball, or that I don't think Baseball is American, it's that there aren't enough fucking Americans playing the game. It is simply chock full of nuts, and by nuts I clearly mean fargen foreigners.

The league is dominated by foreign players and coaches, and given enough time, I'm sure they will be dominated by foreign owners. Let's face it folks, we are not as good at baseball as we used to be. Latin America has the US sitting on the pine and spittin' seeds.

Football, on the other hand, is still dominated Johnny Bluejeans. Don't get all caught up in this 'race' crap, because I don't think that these guys are all white dudes from 'Bama. But it is tough to come up with solid numbers for NFL players born on foreign soil. Also, what is more American than smashing into one another for hours on end?

I am not going to inundate you with facts, or legitimate science to back up my statements, because then I may be wrong. I leave all that shit for Doug.

In closing, Baseball has gone from Americas Pastime to Passed it's Prime, Knibb High Football Rules!!

America Week at Freglomerica

Come one, come all to Freedom, Glory, America's first annual America Week. Independence Day is this Friday so it's a short work week (Freedom!) culminating in shooting fireworks in a needlessly unsafe manner (Glory!) while stuffed full of apple pie and beer (America!). It's during this time of year that I count my lucky stars that I don't live in Canada (Canadian beer sucks). Anyway here at Freglomerica we'll be doing our best to keep fanning the flames of patriotism with an unprecedented amount of America-related content. Enjoy!

Friday, June 27, 2008

What can Vegas Vacation tell us about American politics?

There's a scene in Vegas Vacation that has always tickled my funny bone and strangely enough it applies to the current political situation in this country: Chevy Chase is at a cheap buffet with his cousin, Randy Quaid. Chase looks down at two steamer trays, both filled with a revolting, tapioca-like solid/liquid; one is yellow and marked chicken, the other is blue and marked beef. Visibly disgusted Chase points to the yellow tray and says to an attendant, "That's chicken?" To which the attendant replies, "Oh wait, sorry," and promptly switches the signs indicating which dish is which. That's pretty much what politics in this country is like, both options are unappealing, indistinguishable, and sure to back you up for a few days. No matter what "dish" you choose chicken or beef, Republican or Democrat, your screwed.

In my opinion, virtually all politicians in this country (and probably everywhere else) are glad-handing, money-grubbing, spineless, two-faced election monkeys who are more concerned with lining their own pockets with our money, stroking their massive egos, and obtaining power than they are with bettering this country. Yeah, maybe there are a couple exceptions here and there but the general rule is politicians are the scum of the earth. It's that simple. To borrow a phrase from Happy Gilmore, "Blue Jacket. Red Jacket. Who gives a shit?" They're all pretty much the same thing. Until we make it easier for other parties to get the same recognition that the D's and R's get (and give Americans a choice) nothing is going to change drastically. So go ahead, work yourself into a tizzy about Obama or McCain or whoever but keep in mind that it doesn't really matter. In my opinion, they're both pretty decent choices compared to the laughable candidates of elections past. Both seem like honest and well-intentioned Americans. I'm leaning towards Obama because at least he seems like a change from the ordinary and so far, in my life, the ordinary has fucking sucked donkey balls. The End.

Doug is a little bitch

Seeing as Doug wants to punt the fucking country into goddamn Armageddon, I'll put this in terms that he can understand. Pussies.

This is what Doug wants you to think will happen if Hussein is elected:

Fuck that shit. This is a better representation of the Obama Crisis:

Fuck you Doug

Hillary Clinton is the f@#king Antichrist

Yep. The morningstar, the seven headed dragon, the great beast, the junior senator from New York. It's not that I hate her, she is the necessary evil that makes me right, it's that she sucks, her ideas suck, her experience sucks, her judging of character sucks, and there are enough fucking retards in this country that believe her bullshit. Just because the staff of the Daily Show and SNL think that HRC should be the president, or Hussein Obama for that matter, doesn't make for a convincing arguement in my book. I mean, c'mon. The only real political experience that she has on a broad level is not divorcing her husband when he was getting blown by any fat hooker with a mouth. (Granted it is hard to be either fat or a hooker without a mouth) But seriously folks, give me something, help me sleep at night, stop me from having a panic attack: Why the fuck would you vote for either of them? Answer: Your a blind Democrat that simply votes on party lines and then bitches about how the Republicans exploit bipartisan politics. Your a borderline social retard that gets all your news from Comedy Central and your pop culture fix from TMZ. Turn off the MTV, stop watching The Hills, and wake up from your goddamn fantasy world. These two schlep rocks are not good for the country, or the world, or anything ever. You're a fucking moron. If you want to ruin a country, go to one that's already fucked up, it'll be easier on you. Try Venezuela, I heard they have nationalized oil companies, sounds fucking sweet. Eat my ass, I'm out.

Watch as she starts step one of sucking out Hussein's soul. (Also, notice her tiny hands, perfectly sized for eating babies)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Catching up with the Red Sox

We are now at the official half-way point of the Red Sox season. They stand at 49-32, which puts them one game ahead of the Rays for first in the East (five and a half games ahead of the Yankees) and percentage points behind the Angels for the best record in the American League. A lot of people are talking them up as one of the elite teams in baseball and rightfully so, they are possibly the most complete team in the bigs. However, there are still some questions that remain about this club so let's go over what we know and what we don't know about the 2008 Red Sox.

What we know...

-The Red Sox have a lot of starting pitchers. Boston has had eight different pitchers start games for them so far this year (Lester (17), Wakefield (16), Beckett (14), Dice-K (12), Buchholz (8), Masterson (7), Colon (6), Pauley (1)). The starters are dealing with some injuries right now, Dice-K, Colon, and Buchholz are all not pitching in the bigs because of health issues. However I think the depth is a major strength for the Red Sox but at the same time they should be weary of dealing any of their starters, like the ill-fated Arroyo-for-Wily Mo trade. When healthy I say the rotation should go: Beckett, Dice-K, Lester, Colon, Buchholz/Masterson. For the playoffs I bet it's just Beckett, Dice-K, and Lester.

-Youk is a dick.

-Maybe JD Drew was worth that contract. Ever since he hit that grand slam in game 6 of the ALCS I haven't been able to objectively view Drew, but now I can objectively say that he is pulling his weight. He's been arguably the AL player of the month and has carried the load with Ortiz out of the lineup. I think this is a testament to what hitting in front of Manny can do for a player.

-The Red Sox bullpen is hilarious. When they aren't performing in the Manny Delcarmen Band, they're acting like they're pirates (seriously), when they aren't doing any of that they are making hilarious music videos to entertain the fans.

Rain delay
Uploaded by bsap11

What we don't know...

Can anyone other than Papelbon be relied upon? Javier Lopez is having a good year and Okajima is decent but I think they probably need another arm out there (Brian Fuentes of Colorado is probably the biggest name on the market). However they should be weary of making bad trades like they did for Scott Sauerbeck in 2003 and Eric Gagne last year.

-Will the Spankee's continue to flounder? I really hope so but they still scare me.

-How effective will Papi be once he returns?

-Will Coco Crisp be dealt?

Regardless of these questions, I feel pretty good about the Red Sox in the long run. As long as they get to the postseason and Beckett is healthy then they have as good a chance as anyone to win it all. Also they better pick up Manny's option for next year or there is going to be a riot.

Delicious Chinese Food

I guess this would be Sushi? Catshi?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Who's ready for some unabashed jingoism?

I first heard of this story a couple weeks ago and didn't really pay it much attention but now it's getting some more coverage and since it concerns America I figured it was time for me to weigh in.

Becky Hammon is one of the best players in the WNBA (so she would be riding the pine on any decent men's high school team) but she didn't make our Olympic team. So what did the South Dakota native do? Why agree to play for the Ruskies, that's what. Since Hammon plays in a Russian pro league during the WNBA offseason she has been granted dual-citizenship, which has allowed her to play for Russia in the Olympics.

Frankly, I'm pretty disgusted at Hammon. Some people might defend her saying that she just wants to realize her Olympic dream but I have a couple problems with that: First, basketball isn't like gymnastics or swimming or something that people only really pay attention to in the Olympics so I don't really feel bad about her not "realizing her Olympic dream." Second, say she were playing for Morocco or Barbados or Brazil or any other country besides Russia then this wouldn't be that big a deal. I know the Cold War is over but Russia is still one of our main rivals in the Olympics so I think her actions are inexcusable. Finally, and most importantly, aren't most people's Olympic dreams rooted in some sort of national pride? Isn't that the point? To bring USA the gold? I like to think so, at least.

So has Hammon turned her back on her country? Definitely. Has she disgraced herself? Most certainly. Should she be booed by the three dozen fans at every WNBA game? Absolutely. But is she, as the USA coach called her, a traitor? No. I don't think the T-word can be applied in this situation because that's about as low as you can go. In fact I think treason (real, serious, no-joke treason; not I-don't-think-getting-tangled-up-in-the-Middle-East-is-a-good-idea "treason") is probably the only crime that deserves capital punishment so I'm not a big fan of just throwing that word around. Still Hammon really needs to get her priorities straight. She's an American who grew up with all the privileges and responsibilities that that entails so I think it's pretty disrespectful to compete for Russia in the Olympics.

Also if Russia beats USA for the Gold then I say she loses her American citizenship. Seriously. She should be allowed in the country to play in the WNBA but she can spend her winters in Siberia if she loves Russia so freaking much.

Defensive lessons from Manny

I saw this at the excellent Red Sox blog Fire Brand of the American League. They had a cartoonist illustrate possible reasons for Julio Lugo's struggles in the field. This one tickled my funny bone:
Potential Reason #4: Someone’s been taking defense lessons from Manny.

Cartoon by Samara Pearlstein

Monday, June 16, 2008

Democrats are retards.

Be sure and read the very last quote.

Our Social Security

Franklin Delano. Roosevelt
32nd. President, Democrat
Terms of Office March 4, 1933, to April 12, 1945
Our Social Security

Franklin Delano. Roosevelt (Terms of Office March 4, 1933, to April 12, 1945), a Democrat, introduced the SocialSecurity (FICA) Program. He promised:

1.) That participation in the Program would be Completely voluntary,

2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual Incomes into the Program,

3.) That the money the participants elected to put Into the Program would be deductible from Their income for tax purposes each year,

4.) That the money the participants put into the Independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would Only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and

5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income.

Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "Put Away" -- you may be interested in the following:

Dwight David Eisenhower
34th. President, Republican,
Term Of Office: January 20, 1953 to January 20, 1961

Insert by Vincent Peter Render,
If I recall correctly, 1958 is the first year that Congress voted to remove funds from Social Security and put it into the General Fund for Congress to spend.

If I recall correctly, it was a democratically Controlled Congress.

From what I understand, Congress logic at that time was that there was so much money in Social Security Fundthat it would never run out / be used up for the purpose it was intended / set aside for.

Lyndon Baines Johnson36th. President, Democrat
Term Of Office: November 22, 1963 to January 20, 1969

Question: Which Political Party took Social Security from the Independent "Trust Fund"and put it into the General Fund so thatCongress could spend it?

Answer: It was Lyndon B. Johnson (Democrat, Term Of Office: November 22, 1963 to January 20, 1969) and the democratically Controlled House and Senate.

Question: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax Deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?

Answer: The Democratic Party.

William Jefferson Clinton
(Bill Clinton)
42nd. President
Democrat Term of Office: January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001
Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
(Al Gore)
45th. Vice President
Democrat Term of Office: January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001
Question: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?

Answer: The Democratic Party, with Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. (Al Gore) [Vice President Term of Office: January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001] casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote asPresident of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US .

James Earl Carter, Jr(Jimmy Carter)
39th. President, Democrat
Term of Office: January 20, 1977 to January 20, 1981
Question: Which Political Party decided to start giving Annuity payments toimmigrants?

Answer: That's right! James Earl Carter, Jr. (Jimmy Carter) (Democrat, Term of Office: January 20, 1977 to January 20, 1981) and theDemocratic Party.

Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it!

Then, after violating the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!

And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!

If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of Awareness will be planted and maybe changes will Evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully Sure of what isn't so.

But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to?

Actions speak louder than bumper stickers.


Thomas Jefferson
3rd. President, Democrat

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.."

- Thomas Jefferson

It's the simple things in life...

There is nothing funnier than a forgiener being kicked in the face by a bovine. Unless said bovine is also a master of the ninja arts. God I love ninja cows.

Golf announcers need to take it down a notch

I like Tiger Woods, I really do but the on-air fawning for the guy over the weekend at the U.S. Open was unbearable. In case you weren't paying attention Tiger had arthroscopic knee surgery two months ago and looked like he was in some pain while playing well enough to force an 18-hole playoff with Rocco Mediate (which will take place today at noon). Unfortunately the NBC announcing crew took exaggeration and hyperbole to a new level, with Johnny Miller declaring that what Tiger was doing was more impressive than what Willis Reed and Kirk Gibson did. Umm, did I miss something here? Are we now saying that golfers are as tough as athletes who play actual sports? Here are the reasons why I think Tiger's knee injury have been blown way, way out of proportion:

-Firstly, Stuart Appleby had a similar procedure at about the same time as Tiger but no one is talking about it.

-Secondly golf is probably the least strenuous sport that receives major coverage in the USA (I'm not counting the racing car pageants). When 80 year-olds can do the same thing as the world's best in a sport (albeit on a much lower level) then that sport isn't that physically demanding. This isn't to take away from the skill and preparation involved with golf just that the strain it puts on one's body is considerably less than every other major sport. (Yes, even baseball and even fat pitchers. Could you imagine if an 80 year-old tried to throw a pitch, I mean really tried to throw one, he'd probably tweak/strain/break every ligament/muscle/bone in his body).

-Thirdly athletes in other sports have arthroscopic knee surgery all the time and get much less time than two months to recover. Here is an excerpt from an article from about Amare Stoudemire and his arthroscopic knee surgery: “It was a routine procedure," General Manager Steve Kerr said. "Everything that the doctor expected to see is exactly what he saw. AmarĂ© is coming down Thursday and starting rehab immediately. We expect to see him back on the court in two and a half to three weeks. There is no reason for concern.” TWO AND A HALF TO THREE WEEKS, and that's not just walking and swinging a club, that's running and jumping on a hard wood floor. Now sometimes normal athletes who have their knee scoped take about two months to return but when they do return they have to do things that are much more physically demanding than what Tiger is doing. From an Orlando Sentinel article: "If he does win after coming back from injury, that's an admirable thing," said Randy Roberts, a history professor at Purdue University who specializes in sports history. "But I don't think the injury is such a big deal. There have been some phenomenal comebacks in sports, but almost every football player probably has similar surgery that Tiger is having. They might be out six-to-eight weeks and come back." There, a historian puts it in it's proper context, it's not that big a deal.

-Lastly the major difference between Woods and Reed and Gibson is the way their respective sports are set up. When it's all said and done Tiger will have competed in the U.S. Open for about 30 straight years. That means he got a chance to play for his sports championship 30 times. Reed and Gibson had much, much fewer opportunities to try to win the title. What I'm saying is that it's a lot more difficult to win a championship in a sport where there is a long, grueling season and then playoffs. That's not Tiger's fault, it's just the way that his sport is.

Let me reiterate that I think Tiger is a hell of a golfer who played very, very well while dealing with some pain. However everyone seems to be acting like this is the most impressive thing to ever happen in the history of sport and conveniently forgetting that hockey players take pucks to the face, get stitched up on the bench, and then go back out on the ice. So let's all take it easy with the Tiger is gutting it out hyperbole and just appreciate the golf he is playing.

As a bonus here are some real injury-related anecdotes that make you, me, and Tiger look like 7 year-old girls at a Hello Kitty birthday party by comparison:

-Jack Youngblood, a linebacker for the Rams in the 1970s, played most of the NFC Championship game on a broken leg.

-Ronnie Lott broke his left pinky finger during the 1985 season and instead of opting for surgery that would've made him miss time he had part of his finger amputated. Let me say that again: instead of surgery Lott had part of his finger cut off so he could keep playing.

-Every professional hockey player, ever (except Jaromir Jagr). These guys are as badass as they come, they don't take crap from anyone, even fans:

-Chuck Bednarik, a two-way player for the Eagles in the 1950s and1960s, broke his ankle in the first half of the second to last game of the 1956 season. Instead of going to the trainer/doctor, Bednarik went to the equipment manager who rigged him a splint made of old shoulder pads and duct tape. Bednarik wore the contraption for the rest of the game and next two weeks without ever telling anyone with medical training about his injury until the season was over. By the way, the Eagles were something like 3-8 at the time of the injury and had no shot at the playoffs. When he finally had doctors look at his ankle it turns out it was a compound fracture and had gotten very badly infected. Now that is one badass motherfucker.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Americo is now American

As a life-long citizen of America I would like to welcome one of our newest members, David Americo Ortiz. Yesterday Big Papi became a U.S. Citizen at a ceremony in Boston. Leave it to Papi to be on the DL but still find a way to make big things happen. Congratulations to you, Mr. Ortiz (and to the 226 other immigrants who gained citizenship at the ceremony yesterday).

Ortiz is now part of the country that claims George Washington, the Wright Brothers, Jesse Owens, Audie Murphy, Martin Luther King Jr., and Manny Ramirez as some of her favorite sons.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Autoball: Great Sport or Greatest Sport?

I stumbled across this video at The Beautiful Game (which credits The Offsides Rule for finding it) and I must say that Autoball is bizarrely addictive. It's kinda like soccer crossed with demolition derby. Check out the final between Ze Germans and the Irish.

My only complaint is that I don't think the drivers are drunk enough but besides that I think this sport has a lot of potential. I don't think it could be an every year sport but it definitely could be an Olympic event considering that figure skating and what not are there. Tell me you wouldn't root your ass off for USA. Also, I'm pretty sure Ted would be on our Olympic team...if he could fit in one of those clown cars.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Beat LA!

I'm back from the coast and figured I should put something up so people don't think this site is defunct. Just to make it clear we're not defunct, just very, very lazy. That's all.

2 wins down, 2 to go.