Russian Ice-Skating Bear Kills His Trainer

Really. I am completely taken back that an ice skating fucking bear killed his trainer.

"BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan — The director of a circus arena says an ice-skating bear turned on its trainers, killing one and seriously wounding another.
Kurmangazy Isanayev says workers dragged the trainers with a visiting Russian troupe away from the bear following Wednesday's attack, as they were rehearsing for a show in Bishkek.
The exits were then closed and rescue services called in.
Police say they shot the bear dead."

Hardy har har. Here are the key points to this one:

1.) Don't make a fucking bear ice skate
2.) Don't be around a bear, ever. Seriously, they will fucking kill you.
3.) Be extra careful when around a bear and the police at the same time. You'll notice that the police response was to CLOSE THE EXITS, hilariously trapping all the assholes that were in the arena. This was where, by the way, our bloodthirsty ice-skating bear was murdering the shit out of his trainer.
4.) Let us learn something about parenting. If you make your kids do something that sucks, they will turn into a bear and eat your face.
5.) Finally, when shooting bears, please take caution to 'shoot them dead.' Shooting a bear alive is tough if they're already dead, but if they are alive and you shoot them and they are still alive, they often eat your butt to smithereens (Always Sunny reference)

Now that we have covered most of the important points lets take a brief moment to reflect on why no one visits Kyrgyzstan. Basically, it's probably because no one has any idea where the fuck it is. If they do, they are probably confusing it with Kazakhstan, where Borat was from. Other issues include: Naming cities things like Bishkek. Ice skating bear murderers. Cops that shoot people dead. Skate boarding lion attacks are up 34% this year.

Don't go to Kyrgyzstan, dick.