Thursday, December 6, 2007

Local Man Bored at Work

WATERBURY, CT- An area man working for an accounting firm has officially become bored.

Doug Sweeney, a recent college graduate, spent much of the morning browsing around his favorite Websites in lieu of checking invoices for accounts receivable but in doing so inadvertently read every article he was interested in by 1 p.m. leaving him four hours of time to kill.

"I spent about an hour this morning checking those invoices but I got tired of that pretty quickly so I figured I would cruise the Web. Little did I know that by early afternoon I would run out of internet," said the visibly-bored 22-year-old.

Sweeney claims to have visited a wide variety of sites, ranging from ESPN to the Drudge Report, and absorbed every worthwhile piece of content available. He also spent about 45 minutes updating his fantasy football and basketball teams.

Sweeney, who also works as a part-time writer, says his work day may have climaxed while contemplating a trade proposal for his fantasy basketball team, Tru Warier. "Yeah, that was definitely a fun 10 minutes there," said a wistful Sweeney.

After his exhilarating foray into the world of fantasy sports Sweeney said he read some blogs that he frequents but there wasn't a whole lot of new content so he went back to to "I saw that there was a new article on Page 2 so I was excited to check it out but it turned out to be something about how great the [expletive deleted] Steelers are. [Forget] that."

Now Sweeney faces the dilemma of not knowing where to find anything interesting on the internet and might have to face doing actual work.

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I check those invoices," remarked a defiant Sweeney. "I'll figure something out. I may just break my self-imposed rule of not going to before four and play some Shuffle Challenge."

The decision to once again play Shuffle Challenge, a type of Japanese marble strategy game, was a stunning reversal for the man who just yesterday, after repeatedly failing on a certain level, exclaimed, "This [expletive deleted] game is [expletive deleted] rigged," and threw his mouse in disgust.

Sweeney would not indicate what his specific plans for making it through tomorrow would be, he instead told this reporter to refer to the "Friday" entry of his self-made pamphlet "Doug's Rules and Regulations for a Motions Work Week." That particular entry states, "Friday shall be considered part of the weekend. The worker shall arrive at work physically but remain home in bed mentally as he daydreams about the coming days. No work shall be done voluntarily."


David said...

I believe giving us some hilarious real world updates will certainly fill that void you have right now.

Ted said...

Ditto. Also, fuck you.

Maggie said...

Yeah Doug, you owe me like 10 dollas now....

Doug the Punter said...

Yeah Yeah, I'm going to catch up on watching them tonight and tomorrow.

Maggie, its only one dollar, you stupid Canadian