Friday, May 16, 2008

Talking 'bout My Generation

And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.

-Billy Joel

So the other day I saw that some dumbass professor from Emory decided to take time off from sewing leather patches onto the elbows of his tweed jacket to pen the delightfully named, "The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or, Don't Trust Anyone Under 30)." This clown's name is Mark Bauerlein and I have a couple words for him (let's wait a second while he positions his ear horn): FUCK OFF, gramps. Seriously, you're questioning our generations intelligence? That's about the most irresponsible thing of which I can think. (Surprised I didn't sentence in a preposition, pal? Yeah, I'm a fucking genius like you). I'm not sure how you could responsibly gauge the intelligence of tens of millions of people before many have fully grown and matured. I do agree there are a lot of dumbasses in the current generation and rather than defend them I'm going to rip on previous generations and show that every generation is pretty damn dumb.

Born around 1900:
These were the geniuses who started prohibition. This alone should warrant them being the dumbest generation. "Hey, I have a great idea? Let's get rid of the thing that makes people happy after working in coal mines for 16 hours a day, 6 days a week?" "Yeah, that'd be a great idea, imagine what we'll be able to accomplish when everyone is sober all the time." Unfortunately for these sepia-toned idiots the only thing they created was the single largest financial crisis in world history. On top of that these old-timey bicycle riding flappers couldn't even cure polio. What a bunch of retards. Silent movies suck.

Born around 1925:
This generation was pretty sweet, I'm not going to lie but their kids suck and so does Sinatra (yeah, I fucking said it).

Born around 1950:
The baby-boomers: "I have an idea let's start out sweet and make awesome music, hang out, and have a good time but then sell out faster than George Carlin in a phone ad. We'll do a ton of blow then act like greedy corporate assholes and look down our noses at younger people, completely ignoring (and invalidating) the minor, minor things we accomplished when we were cool. Oh yeah, lets listen to music only produced on synthesizers and wear clothing that would make a retarded clown blush. But that's not enough, let's steal all the Social Security, ruin the economy, mire our children in the same exact type of war we protested about 35 years ago. Then let's send that Bauerlein guy out to right a book blasting our kids so we can feel great about all the social change we didn't affect 40 years ago." This generation is the most hypocritical, illogical, pompous, self-important, and out of touch group probably ever to grace this planet. Oh and thanks for Michael McDonald, assholes.

So in summation, the
Bauerlein fucktard wrote an inflammatory book because he was probably rejected for tenure at his University and decided to rail on something that he knows nothing about. I hope he gets hit by a fucking bus. No wait, that's too old school. I hope he gets hit by a hover car. Yeah, a hover car, that'll show him.

Hes noble enough to win the world,
But weak enough to lose it

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